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"Life Tenure" Has New Meaning for Immortal U.S. Supreme Court


By Ginny Stoner | nworeporter.com

Image by Ginny Stoner | nworeporter.com


June 28, 2042
The perpetual justices and their years of appointment:  Back row, left to right:  Sonia Sotomayor (2009); Stephen Breyer (1994); Samuel Alito (2006); Elena Kagan (2010).  Front row, left to right:  Clarence Thomas (1991); Antonin Scalia (1986); Chief Justice John Roberts (2005); Anthony Kennedy (1988); Ruth Bader Ginsburg (1993).

THE SUPREME COURT of the United States (SCOTUS) celebrates the 32nd year of its new zero change policy, thanks to revolutionary life-sustaining technology from PfizerGlaxoSmithKline-BristolMyersSquibb that makes it virtually impossible for the heart to stop beating. The surgically implanted NeverDead pharmaceutical delivery device has kept a steady stream of patented LifeBlood immortality serum flowing directly into the spines of each justice since 2018.

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“The question of LifeBlood’s effect on the brain is somewhat unclear,” explained Chief Globalord Surgeon, Dr. Darrell Pompano, “since none of the justices have actually spoken or written a word since receiving their implants. But it has obviously kept their minds from wandering to distractions such as the Constitution, golf, or retiring to a sunny beach in Florida."


​N.A.U. President Jay-Hova-Z is fully supportive of a SCOTUS that has remained unchanged since the last appointment made by Saint Obama in 2010.


"Why mess with a good thing?" said the President, "we've got enough justices from the left and the right to maintain the illusion that it really matters, and a steady flow of law clerks too concerned about their future careers to object to anything. With our huge body of inconsistent and convoluted case law, we’ve got all the precedent we need to reach any decision the Globalords want, while still maintaining the appearance of impartiality and meaningful debate that is so critical in our justice system.  It’s win-win all around.”


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