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Totalitarian Tiptoe Turns Into Tap Dance as DARPA Perfects Self-Replicating Nanochip

By Ed. | nworeporter.com

Image by Ed. | nworeporter.com

Globalords are celebrating as DARPA scientists announced the perfection of a new non-biological self-replicating nanochip with a nearly 100% success rate in efficacy and long-term sustainability in the human body.

The new nanochip, known as the Pervasachip, gives authorities 24/7 remote access to the user’s location, sense perceptions, thoughts, words and actions, providing an unprecedented sense of safety and security for users. 

As an added benefit, the Pervasachip allows users to effortlessly authorize financial transactions without the inconvenience of a debit card!

“Disorderly and dangerous behavior will be a thing of the past, once 100% Pervasachip compliance is achieved,” said chief DARPA researcher Dr. Eunice Yurscrude, “since the Pervasachip is effective not only in monitoring behavior, but in guiding it as well.”

Dr. Yurscrude explained that the Pervasachip has been in the testing and development stage for decades, and is well-established as safe and effective.  While citizens testing the chip were unaware of their status as research subjects for security reasons, they can rest assured that all testing procedures were thoroughly reviewed and approved by the DARPA ethics committee first.

Citizens who want to take advantage of the Pervasachip immediately can simply report to their nearest drug store for their regular flu shot and request the Pervasachip batch.  Citizens should not be concerned if the special batches run short, as the Pervasachip is designed to self-replicate and transmit easily from person-to-person through body fluid exchange, and will also be disbursed as an aerosol. 

The Pervasachip requires no special setup or activation by the user, as authorities will do that remotely when they receive a new implantation signal.

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