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NSA Appointment/Calendar App -- Coming Soon to iTunes!
Image by David Dees | deesillustration.com
July 31, 2042
TO HELP IMPROVE the national deficit, the NSA will soon be offering paid subscribers a whole new appointment book/calender/scheduler service.
"While we were watching everything that everybody does, we noticed how poorly people kept their personal appointment records," said Brian Whiteapple, NSA product development spokesperson, "and we thought, hey, since we have all the data anyway, why not help people out and help out the national debt all at the same time?"
"Soon you will no longer have to worry if the police ask you 'Where were you on the night of the 5th?... Of May?..... 2003?' because for us it is no problema!" said Whiteapple. "Between your cellphone's GPS data tracking, your phone calls, your automobile's GPS data tracking, your credit card and debit card swipes, your EZ Pass usage, the Google searches you made (and where you were when you made them), just to name some of our means (sorry we can't tell you all of them) we here at the NSA can tell you exactly where you were, and when!"
"While we were watching everything that everybody does, we noticed how poorly people kept their personal appointment records," said Brian Whiteapple, NSA product development spokesperson, "and we thought, hey, since we have all the data anyway, why not help people out and help out the national debt all at the same time?"
"Soon you will no longer have to worry if the police ask you 'Where were you on the night of the 5th?... Of May?..... 2003?' because for us it is no problema!" said Whiteapple. "Between your cellphone's GPS data tracking, your phone calls, your automobile's GPS data tracking, your credit card and debit card swipes, your EZ Pass usage, the Google searches you made (and where you were when you made them), just to name some of our means (sorry we can't tell you all of them) we here at the NSA can tell you exactly where you were, and when!"
Jealous wife, that's easy, you weren't downtown at that seedy motel again with her sister, you were at McDonald's with the kids.
The IRS says you were stashing cash on that day in Bermuda? No you weren't, you were forking out cash (with your credit card) for dinner in Venice Italy.
Whiteapple went on to say, "We figured that, for a small fee, we might as well just give people an interface to their own data that we keep on file for... well forever. We think the idea might catch on and if so, we can put some sorely needed cash back into the Federal deficit by selling access to all this info we keep on file. We will be making interfaces to connect directly into our back doors in the iPhone, the Droid and Microsoft Outlook. We'll be calling the app 'Total Recall'."
The NSA expects to have the app available on iTunes as soon as it gets the "all clear" from the Global Overlords (boy was it tough to convince them to share your own information with you but once we told them there was a fee involved they were all ears).
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