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Mt. Mordor Opens to Zero Fanfare,

Vandals Galore

By Ginny Stoner | nworeporter.com

Image by Ginny Stoner | nworeporter.com

LAST SATURDAY marked the grand opening of Mt. Mordor, a monument dedicated to three former great leaders who were instrumental in forming our glorious New World Order:  George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Saint Barack Obama.

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Shortly after the tragedy, Thunderhead Mountain was acquired by eminent domain for national security reasons and gifted to the Offurrockefeller Foundation for Socially Useful Art, which commissioned the Mount Mordor monument as a magnanimous gesture of healing for the Lakota people. 

Low visitor turnout at the grand opening is believed to be due in part to a mysterious white owl that has taken up permanent residence on the Mt. Mordor plaque, flapping its wings wildly and hooting obscenities at visitors.  Numerous attempts to relocate the owl have proven futile.

​While visitors to the Mt. Mordor opening were few, vandals galore managed to skirt the heavy security detail in the preceding weeks, doing extensive damage.  Warrants have been issued for the unknown perpetrators who established a graveyard on Cheney’s head, chiseled a hole in his skull, opened the gates of Hell through Bush’s noggin, burrowed a cave through Obama’s eye, and planted greenery in his carven hair in an apparent attempt to turn him into a giant Chia Pet.  A river of blood flowing from Cheney’s throat spouted spontaneously last winter and is believed to be the result of unknown natural processes, although the matter is still under investigation.  

​Anyone with information on the Mt. Mordor vandalism is encouraged to contact the North American Union Security Agency.  A reward of up to 5000 hours of free T.V. from Timeless Warner Conglomerate Cable is being offered for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the  perpetrators.

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