Aspartame -- Carefree Chemical Flavor
Enhancement for the Whole Family
By Ginny Stoner | nworeporter.com
Image by David Dees | deesillustration.com
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For decades, radical health nuts have tried to impede the unfettered expansion and mind-numbing success of the chemical food additive industry with malicious rumors that aspartame poses a threat to human health and brain function.
Efforts by the industry to minimize losses by using a number of wholesome-sounding names for aspartame such as Nutrasweet, Equal and Aminosweet have met with some success, as has creating product ingredient labels in fonts so small and with so little contrast they can only be read by owls wearing high-powered reading glasses.
"Aspartame has had its share of negative nanny naysayers over the years," said Food and Drug Administration spokesman Dr. Carson O'Jenik, "but citizens should rest assured that the FDA takes its mission of ensuring consumer perception of safety seriously. Approval of food additives like aspartame is granted only after the FDA has thoroughly reviewed all research studies the manufacturer deigns to provide, and only after we are absolutely confident there is a plausible defense for approval of that product in subsequent lawsuits."
The ongoing aspartame hubbub dates all the way back to the 1970's.
In spite of huge consumer and industry demand for a delicious new artificial sweetener, early agitators tried to put a damper on the aspartame revolution based on an overblown concern over a little brain damage, mental retardation, blindness, cancer and unexplained death.
They even tried to bring criminal charges against aspartame manufacturer G.D. Searle, simply for exercising novel creativity in the studies it submitted to the FDA.
Fortunately, before any criminal charges could be brought before a grand jury, then U.S. Attorney Sam Skinner left his post for a lucrative position with G.D. Searle's law firm, Sidley & Austin, and the statute of limitations was allowed to expire naturally.
Just as the aspartame market wave was gaining momentum, another boatload of unsweet information shipwrecked at the FDA door, prompting a slew of scientists to demand containment of the expanding aspartame market spill. But they were overruled in a forceful demonstration of superior acumen by then FDA commissioner Dr. Arthur Hull Hayes, paving his way to a lucrative career with G.D. Searle's public relations firm, Buson-Marsteller.
Still, the wave of reports of adverse health effects and demands for further investigation continued, threatening to wash the aspartame party ship aground.
Never one to be deterred by controversy, disease or death, Monsanto stepped in to acquire the troubled G.D. Searle baby in 1985, successfully using its inside connections and vast marketing resources to spread the aspartame miracle so far and wide that people eventually assumed it wouldn't be there unless it was good for them.
In an effort to ensure an abundance of continued carefree chemical consumption, the FDA would like to remind you that aspartame makes everything taste exceptionally delicious, especially after a therapeutic level of brain saturation has been achieved.
It carries the FDA Safe-ishness Seal of Approval Class B, indicating that adverse effects are seldom immediate or obvious, and makes a wholesome flavor enhancer for virtually every food-like product, flavored beverage, chewing gum and breath mint on the market today.
So enjoy!
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